What's the most valuable lesson you've learned in life, and how has it impacted your journey so far?

And I ended up moonlighting in Japanese porn, but the less said about that the better.

TEXT:

Yes, Tess, crime doesn't pay but apparently Rated-G horror does.

Im a 14 year old girl who doesnt want to wear a hijab but my parents force me to wear one. It makes me dislike it more. Im not ready for one no matter what people say and they get really mad at me. I have bad grades and no motivation. What do I do?

Gadzooks! It's Torchy Todd slumming it in Yugoslavian science fiction! The shame!

Sex! Lingerie! Knock knock jokes!

Dick! I heard about the lay-off. What's a square-jaw crime fighter doing these days to bring in the bling?

Why am I so triggered and depressed over a minor thing?

After you lather me up with that strawberry hand lotion.

Two letters of transit signed by General De Gaulle … Stimpy, you eediot!

I hear you're a stunt-double now for Fred in Scooby-Doo.

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Remember, kids, masturbation will make you see the devil everywhere!

Let's do what we always do, lay around half-naked while men make terrible jokes at our expense.

¡Explotando Dick por todos lados!

What happens if someone fills up their car at the pump but leaves without paying? How is this situation typically handled?

At least until the peyote kicks in ...

I've also been making ends meet ... By appearing in Tijuana splatter comics as Evil Gringo #2.

Before there was MAGA there was … the Comics Code Authority

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“Your boyfriend is a total perv, mommy.”

Every day is a good day to punch a Nazi! I mean MAGA! I mean the Comics Code Authority! (I can never remember who is who)

But Tess! I mean Betty! I mean Veronica! (I can never remember who is who) which ever one you are, I love you!

What timeless pieces do you believe every wardrobe should possess?

Marijuana makes Jesus cry!

Perhaps now we can explore what being a “gal pal” really means.

And then working as Betty and Veronica's body doubles ...

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Ironically, Wertham focused on stories about crime, singling out Batman and Robin for its gay subtext and Dick Tracy for its violence.

Tess' boyfriend, Ed, now works as a Peter Lorre impersonator.

Torchy, we're unemployed … And no one is hiring scantily-clad wastrels these days.

What is an appropriate response to someone saying "merci" in French?

Shameless vixen! Trollop!

Just you, me, in a vat of lime jello, pulling hair, calling each other names …

Torchy thinks: Maybe I could play a gangster's moll since apparently smoking is still seen as wholesome and American.

What are some effective ways to cope with loss and grief?

In 1954 complete bastard and censorship campaigner Fredric Wertham published a book for the stated goal of creating a moral panic around comic book's alleged impact on juvenile delinquency. Much like the House Committee on Un-American Activities' disastrous impact on the film industry, the Comics Code Authority (obey, puny humans) put many hardworking comic book characters out of work all because of one poorly written book called …

Only zombies dig to rock and roll, daddy-O!

Times might be tough … But at least there's one thing we all agree on.

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Speaking of which, poor Cleo Coco has ended up appearing in anti-vice pamphlets.

In order to answer this I came up with a little story that goes like this …

Make Nazis afraid again!

Of all the layoffs, Torchy Todd and her gal pal, Tess Parker, were hit the hardest.